That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
