When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
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I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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