Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
