That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
