that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
