so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
