I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
