I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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