nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
