He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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