It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
areolas are like halos for boobs.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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