chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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