I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize