My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
