ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.