I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
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I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
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The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor