After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
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I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
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WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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