Just fell off a train. Bad.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
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I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
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bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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