I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
