I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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