We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
