I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
