There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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