The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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