Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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