from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
