Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
