I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
