just tell him i said nine months
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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