direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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