i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
