just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
