she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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