i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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