K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
