Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
