worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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