There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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