I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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