perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
