We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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