Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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