it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
