ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Your penis caused this!
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