I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
