note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
