Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
