Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize