me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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