Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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