the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
