I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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