you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
