Its about making memories worth repressing
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
