The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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