I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
