I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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