Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
