She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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