guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
