It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
