tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
