I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
