If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
