also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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