I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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