We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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