How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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